Can You Get in Trouble When Teens Drink at Your House?
What every parent of a teenager should know
Picture this. You have a group of teens over. You collect everyone's car keys, nobody is driving anywhere, and everyone is sleeping over. They're going to drink anyway, so isn't it safer if it happens under your roof?
A lot of parents think so, and plenty of them ask me some version of that question. The answer surprises almost everyone.
This week, I had a conversation with my friend Katie Love, a mom of five with three kids in high school right now. She started asking these questions after discovering that other parents parent very differently than she does. She had assumed all parents agreed that you don't get other people's kids drunk at your house. That turned out not to be a popular opinion, and she wanted a real attorney to walk her and her friends through what the law says. We originally did this as an Instagram Live, and it's now available as a podcast episode (you can still watch it on YouTube).
Taking the Keys Doesn't Fix It
Kudos to any parent who takes the keys and won't let kids drink and drive. That matters enormously. But the driving isn't where the criminal liability starts. It starts when a minor is given a drink, or when you allow one to drink in your home and you knew or should have known it was happening.
“The act of giving a minor a drink is the crime.”
A minor in this case means anyone under twenty-one, in every state. Some states come down harder when the kid is under eighteen, but nowhere can anyone under twenty-one fully drink.
Handing someone the drink and simply allowing it are treated as the same thing. Courts won't let you turn a blind eye, so you can't tell yourself the kids are in the basement, something is probably going on, and you're going to bed. Being willfully ignorant of what's likely happening in your house doesn't protect you.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
A devastating case came out of Austin just a few months ago. High schoolers were having a graduation party hosted by the parents of one graduate, with a bartender and a keg. A young man left the party after drinking and died in a one-car collision. The couple who hosted is now being charged and could face up to a year in jail, plus a relatively low civil fine.
It's a year because he didn't injure anyone else. If he had, they could be looking at a felony and up to twenty years in prison.
That's only the criminal side. In a criminal case it's always the state against the person, because we as a society say this behavior is bad for our community even if nobody wants to press charges. Then there's the civil side, where the injured people, or the family of someone who died, can sue for money. In this case the family is suing the hosts for millions of dollars. Add the guilt and shame of being involved in something like this, and it changes your life, and your children's lives, in an instant.
"But My Kid Is Home From College"
Katie asked about a sophomore or junior who comes home over the holidays and wants a few friends over on New Year's Eve. Nothing has changed. They've gone away and gotten a little older, but they're still under twenty-one. I'm not here to argue about whether the drinking age should be twenty-one, nineteen, or eighteen. If you want to lobby your state to change it, go for it. As long as it's twenty-one, you have to abide by it.
It does get harder to keep saying no as kids get older, and their friends might be twenty and mature and so close. But think about it this way: the trajectory of your life is in the hands of five young people who drank at your house with your knowledge. Your finances, your freedom, your family, and potentially your marriage can all go poof.
Permission Slips, Waivers, and Other Parents
Katie asked what happens if you call the other parents first and they say sure. It doesn't get you out of anything, unless that parent is also physically there. In both Texas and Colorado, a parent can serve their own minor child alcohol if they're with that child at home. Colorado adds a small twist: if I'm at your house, I can authorize you to give my child a drink, but only because I'm physically present. Signing a piece of paper doesn't work.
A waiver might matter a little in a civil case, since it shows I had knowledge, but the state doesn't care about it at all.
When You Didn't Know
Say you told the kids no drinking, you're upstairs cleaning the kitchen, and somebody is taking shots of vodka in the bathroom. If you had no real reason to think alcohol was being consumed, you're probably not going to be liable. We don't hold parents to the standard of checking on the kids every fifteen minutes and searching every drawer and cabinet.
The facts get worse if it has happened before, or if you know a couple of the kids who come over are into alcohol and show up with a heavy backpack. Then you start looking complicit. Even if you did everything right, you can still be sued if a kid gets hurt.
So be proactive. Lay down the law under your roof. Wander downstairs, make a little noise, act like you're doing laundry. It's harder to drink in front of someone.
Katie had already been talking with a friend about backpack checks, and I'd go further. Especially if you don't know the other kids well, assume they're bringing alcohol in. Tell everyone that to get the pizza, they have to open their bag. You have to be that diligent these days.
Brooke's Tip: Lock up your alcohol. If there has ever been an incident, or one of your kids' friends has had an issue, a plaintiff's lawyer will put a reasonable person right next to you and ask whether you should have known it could happen again. Katie's internist, also a mother of five, gave her a similar piece of advice: get a safe for your prescriptions. With twenty teens in the house, you don't know every child who walks in, and a little bottle is easy to grab while someone is washing their hands.
What if They Show Up Already Drunk?
Take the keys and call their parents. Depending on the facts, calling the police may be the right move, too. Do everything in your power to keep them out of that car.
If they get in and drive off anyway, you're not liable, as long as you didn't give them the alcohol. You can't control it when drunk kids arrive at your door, and you can't always control it when they leave. In law school they taught us about the "reasonable man," now the "reasonable person." That person is a prude who goes to bed at nine fifteen, never drives after drinking, and always wears a seatbelt. The standard is high, and it's what the law measures all of us against. If you tried to stop them, didn't serve anything, and called their parents, you did everything a reasonable person would do.
Katie also brought up a Colorado rule that she loves: if a friend is unconscious or needs to go to the hospital, you can take that friend to the ER without getting in trouble. In many states that is absolutely the law. Kids shouldn't be afraid of punishment for doing the right thing.
Marijuana Is Not Wine
Colorado allows recreational marijuana for adults, so Katie asked whether the same liability rules apply. Yes, think of alcohol and marijuana as being in the same camp. The difference is that a parent cannot give a minor a THC gummy at home, even in their presence.
“You can give your kid a glass of wine at your house legally, but you cannot give that same child a gummy.”
Correct, and the consequences can include a potential felony. If your kid tells their friends' parents they were doing gummies with mom, and those parents call the police, you could have a real situation. A felony can mean losing your vote, losing job options, and potentially jail time. Are prosecutors in every state and county hunting for this? Probably not. But it happens.
It also works in the other direction. If a high school student hands your child a gummy, that minor can be held criminally liable. They're essentially dealing drugs to someone who isn't authorized to take them.
Fraternities, Bars, and Dram Shop Laws
Katie was in the Greek system and asked who gets in trouble when underage students are drinking at a fraternity house. The people giving them the booze, the fraternity itself, and potentially the sorority. A plaintiff's lawyer wants as many people in the lawsuit as possible, so everyone points fingers and there's a bigger pot to win from. Being a minor yourself is no safety net. A nineteen-year-old who gives an eighteen-year-old a drink is on the hook.
Bars and restaurants are governed by what are generally called dram shop laws, which differ by state. A server or bartender can be held criminally liable for serving a minor. That's why carding matters: if they see an ID showing you're twenty-one, that's a huge defense, even if the ID has Mickey Mouse's picture on it. The establishment can lose its liquor license and get sued. The bar owner is usually too far removed to be held criminally liable, but they train their bartenders for exactly this reason.
What You Stand to Lose
In most states your house is protected from creditors. So are traditional retirement accounts like an IRA or 401(k), and life insurance. That leaves your investment accounts, checking and savings accounts, a second home, crypto, and your cars. All of it is exposed the minute that kid walks out your door after drinking at your house. And that's separate from the loss of life, which changes families forever.
"They're Going to Drink Anyway"
Katie said she got thousands of comments saying exactly this. My answer: so don't make it easier. They'll drink at your house if you provide the alcohol or let them, and then they'll drink at the next house too. It isn't a zero-sum thing. The kid who gets a nice bottle of wine from his parents is going to drink some of it at the pre-party and then take shots at the house party. It might open up a conversation about alcohol, and that's great, but I think the idea that it solves anything is a farce.
Katie also remembered random alumni handing her booze at tailgates as a minor. That was illegal, too, and if she had gone on to make poor decisions and hurt someone, it could have dominoed back on them.
There's another practical worry. You don't know what medications other people's children are on, or what they took before they walked in. A gummy beforehand can amplify the effects of alcohol for a lot of people. Even if they only had one glass at your house, you may have given alcohol illegally to someone who then drives away.
The Message We Send
I talk with people constantly who ask whether technically they're not supposed to do something but it's only a problem if it's a problem. I can tell you what's legal and illegal, and this is an area where I want parents to have a bright line. We have a rule in this house: nobody drinks unless they're twenty-one. You can decide whether to serve your own kid a glass of wine. But legally it is that important.
“It is not worth it to be the cool parents.”
Think about the message, too. If we say this is the law, but it doesn't apply to you or your friends at our house, what does that teach about drug laws or consent laws? I think the law should be eighteen, but it's twenty-one, and that's the law we have to abide by because the consequences are dire.
Before the Next Big Weekend
Halloween is coming up and homecoming season is wrapping up, so Katie asked what I'd tell parents heading into a big drinking time of year. Have the party and celebrate. Then make your rule, don't question the rule, and make it known to your kids, however much grief they give you. You're protecting them. If you have a bartender, tell them no alcohol goes to any minor unless they ask you first.
Adult parties carry a bit of good news. Unless you're playing bartender and pouring shot after shot for friends who are very drunk and then letting them drive, we're responsible for our own drinking wherever we are. It takes a pretty bad set of facts for a homeowner to be in trouble when an adult drives. The practical answer is still to take their keys and call them an Uber.
Katie and I both saw a video on Instagram of a mom saying she buys her sixteen-year-old his own alcohol. I cringed. He takes it to the party, drinks the other alcohol there too, and shares his with friends in his room. If he's sharing it, you're now implicated in criminal activity.
The Bottom Line
Yes, this is a heavy conversation. It's the worst-case scenario parents think about: all our money goes out the window, a kid is killed, and the guilt is ours. But none of this is inevitable. It isn't like an illness that hits some of us. These are decisions you get to make.
“This is one thing that you can control and that is the very, very good news.”
Katie and I are planning a follow-up on what parents need to know when their kids turn 18, when the clock strikes midnight and suddenly you can't talk to your kid's doctor or their bank. I've put together a survival kit for that, the So You're 18? eBook, covering everything from powers of attorney to reading a pay stub.
Life is legal, so you've got to know the rules.
🎙️ Listen to this episode of Life Is Legal wherever you get your podcasts. If you found it helpful, leave a review, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs to know this stuff.
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This post is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Laws vary by state and situation. For advice specific to your circumstances, consult a licensed attorney in your area.
